If I were to use one word to describe our relationship, it would be a pair of star-crossed lovers.

Relationship is like heroin. There’s the pre phase where you don’t know if you are doing the right things. Then there’s the high euphoric phase. And then there’s the quick fix or cold turkey phase. Yes, I am definitely in the cold turkey phase right now. I want a full blown fix, not a methadone substitute.

As a pharmacist, this is the only way I could describe myself right now.

Right person, wrong time.

That’s the summary for this relationship. It was real while it lasted.

I bought a uniqlo jumper for Tom, it was the least I could do. He immediately said he will wear this to the engagement party tomorrow. I’m glad he likes the jumper. It’s the first and last present I will buy for him. This thought hurts me a lot ☹️ I also bought him his favourite perinase (hot version!) and shin ramyun/kimchi ramyun. I finally drank the tea I bought him from Bulgaria, how did it taste? IDK. I just wanted to have an excuse to talk to him for one last time.

At 7pm I reluctantly said I need to go. Partly because he got a long drive down to Bristol, and partly because the longer I stay the more teary I will get. I will miss his hug so so much 😢.

Got home and read the letter he wrote for me. The end is here. No doubt about it. I need to gracefully bow out. Goodbye my love. Take care and I love you.

Night night and sweet dreams 🤗🐻 Xxx

Happy Halloween 🎃

There are 5 stages of grief:

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

I have to admit this is a pretty true reflection of what I went through in the past 7 days. I went through so much in such a short space of time, I can honestly say I am exhausted!

Suit up, chin up, time to move on…. I guess?

No, I’m not okay.

I’ve been crying at work the whole day, secretly hiding somewhere. Tears would spontaneously trickle down my face. It must be a first – me crying at work because of a break up. Got everyone at work worried, I am so sorry!

Just been going through some pictures and worked out that we first had sex on 21st Aug. Wow. 2 months and that’s it. Much shorter than I thought. It feels like we’ve been dating for so much longer.

I miss you and I would do anything to fall asleep in your arms again ☹️

The end is finally here. No dramas no U turns, no nothing.

世界上原來有一種叫做因互相喜歡而分開嘅理由

請教我如何去喜歡另外一個人、好嗎？

How do you heal when you are so broken and all you want to do is escape from reality?

I really didn’t want to go into work today…. I feel so crappy.

I still miss him a lot, I mean a lot.

I am resorted in doing the same thing as the Dr from Descendants of the Sun is doing 😭. Shame I don’t have access to any x-ray 😭.

I have booked the massage course as promised before, not that it would change anything, but I just want to follow through what I promised before. Stupid way of wasting £39 I suppose 🙄.

I think I need to phone someone later as I genuinely feel suicidal 🙄. People at work is so kind and nice to me, but I am not up for anything today. I just want to escape the world by sleeping.

It’s a sad day today.

Typical rain/windy/dark British weather.

I really miss Tom.

I miss his hugs, I miss his kisses, his laugh, cheeky jokes. I miss running my fingers through his hair, I miss sitting on his couch and watching stand up comedy on TV.

I miss falling asleep in his arm.

I miss his affectionate kiss on my forehead when I’m about to fall asleep and the loving whisper of G’night.

I really hate myself for rocking the boat.

Maybe, just maybe, I have made the worst decision in my life.

I really hate myself.

I really do.

Ok i’m shit i admit…..

I haven’t updated this blog in ages i know 🙈 So i will try my best from today. First and foremost OMG i miss seeing the cute Dr Igris (He won’t know this place anyway so full name it is! 😂). Awwww i got his IG account 🥳🥳💃🏻💃🏻. So nice to find someone who can be on the same page as me ☺️☺️☺️. Anyhow i feel like a fan girl all over 🙈. He is so damn fucking cute 😍. Got the seal of approval from Pui yi too! Even alice said he’s cute this morning in her BB lesson ☺️. Damn what am i going to do today without him on Toghill? 😭😭😭

I went out to watch Shazam last night at cineworld. Honestly the seat was crap and the angle was weird. And I had to pay 9.40 for the ticket….which is a whopping £1 more than showcase de lux, the place where I’d originally planned to go, had it not been for Matt and Co. Finally get to see Shaun (Hi 😊 I’ve heard a lot about you) and Asim (i’ve not heard much about you). I’m chinese and a girl which ticked two massive boxes 😂 So yeah it was pretty much like united nation’s night out 😂. I asked which seats did you buy and Matt said no idea as it was shaun who booked the tickets. Armed with the info “in the middle by the aisle” and a bit of guessing, I had to decide which seat to buy (see chart below).

as you can see, so many green men available to pick. I was like, It’s either going to be H to the left or right, so i picked G8 because it’s the next best seat. And Viola!! they were sat right behind me on row H 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 Nice one Amy 😉

Dropped Matt off otherwise he would have had to catch the bus home, and it would have taken forever blah blah, since he got a meeting today in Birmingham and will be staying over, I didn’t want him to go home too late as he got a long journey ahead of him. I’m a really good friend I know 🤗 Then I went to bed really early at 12:11 as per my mi fit, got up this morning, feeling absolutely shit. Cold symptoms, full of fleme, sore throat. And the rota was crap! By myself from 9-11, shite loads to screen. Luckily the phone behaved (i’ve mute it at times 🤫🤫) so I managed to get a lot done in those two hours. Had both my scarf and northface on because I was shivering. And then I went onto Fxxxxxxr and blitz the ward. Did everything at 2pm, had lunch in my room, gone back at 3pm, asked if i could go home early which i got yes, then slept like a baby from 3:15pm until i got woken up by alice at 6:30pm. And now it’s 7:46pm, got to eat something and start making Matt’s birthday cake 🎂😂 (it’s a betty crocker lemon cake mix 🤣🤣🤣)

Had another dream last night. I think my brain is going overdrive right now I am seriously struggling to differentiate dreams from reality.

So I was out on holiday (?) with friends but somehow got assigned a room to myself 🤔. Very old hotel, reminds me of Capthorne Hotel in Merry Hill, which technically isn’t that old but just needing some renovation. I was given room 59 key and found there’s 59a, use the leo, and boom! It opens! To a really messy room 🙄 Obviously the occupant(s) has gone out for the day so all was left we’re underwear thrown everywhere (on bed), bed was clearly not made, and important documents like passport and air ticket lying on the bed. The male occupant is named Stephen. The room is interlinked to an adjacent room, you know, with both doors wide open. I found out that’s my room, however it’s filled with suitcases from 59a, so basically there is no way I will stay in this room. I went to the front desk to complain, they were really nice and apologetic. Instead of giving me another room they asked me which room I would like, and somehow I automatically said Room 2, as if I know which one is good 🤔 so I went to room 2 on level 2, and lord and behold, it was a mini executive room 😍 How did I know to pick room 2 I’ve no idea 🤷🏻‍♀️

I tried Etude house’s sleeping mask sunday night and it’s not bad at all! Consider it costs only $84 for 100ml, I ain’t going to complain 😂.

Oh and I noticed someone started following my daily stupid rant, and someone else had liked one of my article. Wow 😮 someone actually reads my rubbish (or maybe they aren’t real people 🤔). Anyhow, Hello and Welcome to my blog 😊